Detoxing Through A Goodbye
As we continue the series of letting go and restoration, we come to the part where we evaluate the Judas in our life that we must let go. As we released, we thought of all the pain and the good times. However, we still find it challenging to let Judas go. We all struggle with allowing love for someone to continue to encourage us to continue to have them in our life. I cannot sit here and write this like it was easy to come to this conclusion. However, I found a way to make it easier and will share this process with you.
Step 1: We already evaluated that the toxic things we hold in our hearts can hinder our growth, affecting our future. So we have started to dissect the things that have hurt us and realized that a lot of past trauma has hindered us from loving and living. So we made the conscious decision to release it.
Step 2: We started praying to release that . . and person that we needed to forgive. We decided that forgiveness was for us and refused to be stuck. Great job. However, there is still so much work to be done to get to acceptance in these stages of grief.
Step 3: We take a deeper dive into unforgiveness and start feeling all those stages of grief. If you are like me, you got stuck on bargaining and tried to justify the behavior of that person you loved so deeply, and a part of you hoped for reconciliation. If we are not honest with anyone else, let's be honest with ourselves. I know, at this point, you are discouraged. Take this ride on this rollercoaster with me, and you will be glad you got to the end, and you found joy in the thrill of the twist, turns, and hanging upside down. Sometimes you ride with someone, and you think it's your person. At the beginning of the ride, you are excited. During the ride, you live in regret. However, at the end of the ride, it's up to you to decide if you enjoy the ride you will never get on again or regret it. My goal is to get you to that place where you enjoyed the ride and you have pleasure in knowing you learned something about yourself along the way.
Step 4: You understand the assignment. Forgiveness is hard, and you have to work through it. All this time, you have been going around it. Now, it's time to deal with it. As you walk through the scary forest of trauma, you face scary surprises that keep you on your toes. However, you are determined not to run, hide, or escape this time. So what's next? Maybe at this point, you need to understand the purpose for Judas not making it.
I am a person that has to know why to everything. I am that analytical person who must understand someone before I can let go of a relationship or friendship. If you are new here, I have worked through letting go of a man I thought I would marry and a friendship I've had since I was 7. So I have been detoxing my life, hoping to accept and release these two individuals after the hurt I've endured. When talking to God, I always asked why, and I had faith that in the right season, he would answer me. He finally did. The answer was Judas.
The Story of Judas
I will not go into details. However, we know that Jesus knew that Judas would disappoint God. He knew precisely who Judas was and Judas's purpose in the journey. It just took us, as humans, a little longer to understand. So I listened to this sermon that broke down who Judas was and why he could not be included in God's plans after the resurrection of Christ. I will share what I learned in this sermon briefly. Peter, another disciple, also disappointed God. Jesus knew he would do this as well. However, Peter was allowed back into the circle with the other disciples and is believed to be forgiven. Now, Judas was dead, but he was also forgiven. Even if he was still alive, the disciples decided he could not continue with them because they evaluated that Judas's heart was not good. Judas was most likely sorry but would not acknowledge he was wrong and change. However, Peter did this, which is why he was still a disciple. The pastor in the sermon noted that the disciples realized that Judas never did anything for them anyways, so he should be replaced with someone that has witnessed the resurrection power of Jesus.
Who is your Judas?
Now that you understand the nature of Judas, I bet you have already considered who Judas represents in your life. For me, Judas is that old friend and ex-fiance. When I evaluated my life with them, I realized they never showed me love and did many things to hurt me without apologizing or thinking they were wrong. Although I apologized to them, they never thought I did not deserve that apology in return. Even though they never asked for forgiveness, I have forgiven them. Now, I have to decide if I will allow them back like Peter or let them go.
When I released
When I evaluated each person's role after I forgave, I realized that why I had been seeking to understand the betrayal was there all along. Judas was not created to go forward with me. He was only created to have a small chapter in the novel of my life. A small section that led to a new victory. Once I realized this, I recognized the peace in the storm and the calm after the rain. It has been two weeks since we started this emotional and spiritual detox, but I felt better than ever. I even was able to let go of other Judas characters that were in my life during my early 20s. Heartbreaks I did not let go of started mending due to this journey. Childhood hurt began to be forgiven. A weight had been lifted because the years of why finally found an answer.
Now that we are here.
The work does not stop. There will be moments when your mind tries to trick you into returning to Judas. However, you understand that he doesn't have a place in your new life and realize freedom is much better than getting into another fight with Judas, who will never change (at least not for you).
I pray this post encourages you to let go of toxic waste and start cleaning. It's never too late to start again with a better mindset.
Ebony Rockwell
The Manager of Restoration at the Heartbreak Hotel
Message from the Manager: In due season, the Heartbreak Hotel will be open with a new name. I hope you will continue to check in to see the progress.
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